How a personal tragedy inspired Liz’s $12 million fight against childhood cancer
How a personal tragedy inspired Liz’s $12 million fight against childhood cancer
By Naomi White
When Liz Dawes was told her teenage son Connor had just six months to live, she vowed to pack as much into their time together as she could.
As the mum-of-three, from Victoria, set about making the most of the precious days that remained, Connor took on an attitude of quiet acceptance.
But the cruel fate that has separated them physically for the last nine years has not dulled Liz’s strong bond with her son, whose memory she’s worked hard to keep alive in the near decade since his passing, aged just 18.
Along the way, her efforts have also helped to raise more than $12 million for kids brain cancer, helping countless other families who know the devastation of the disease — the deadliest childhood cancer in Australia, through the Robert Connor Dawes Foundation she established just months after his death.
As Liz told 9Honey Parenting, watching the disease ravage her ‘brilliant’ son was the most difficult thing to witness. But finding a cause that allows her to celebrate Connor at his best has been the easiest decision she’s made.
‘I will always be Connor’s mum’
“I still consider myself Connor’s mum. I still think of him as my firstborn son. He passed away nine years ago, but my love for him is exactly the same. That love is so intense and so special that once you have it, you never really lose it,” Liz said.
“Talking about loss… someone said ‘I don’t know how you do it’. And I said Connor gives me energy and purpose, passion and direction. I’m blown away by it and have let myself just go with it. I can’t explain it. I feel like he’s channeling it and I’m just living with it and it makes what I’m doing feel like a gift from him.”
When Connor was first diagnosed with an ependymoma – a type of tumour that can grow in the brain or spinal cord – in December, 2011, the family, including Liz’s husband Scott, Nick, 26, and Hannah, 24, were optimistic about Connor’s recovery. Though Connor himself was more philosophical.
“The day he was diagnosed I was like ‘Connor you are not dying’. I am a fearless mother, ‘You will not die from this!’. He said ‘Mum we’re all going to die’. I said ‘but you’re too young, it’s not going to happen to you’ and he said (if he did) ‘In the scheme of time we’re not going to be that far apart’.”
Connor underwent surgery to try to remove the tumour, however this left him with permanent damage. While Liz said Connor had been ‘exceptionally gifted’ and excelled at school — even if he didn’t always apply himself fully, he was suddenly faced with a long recovery and a different future.
“When he was diagnosed and had surgery he was left with no right side movement and lost his short-term memory. It was just as cruel as cruel can be. This is someone who had Pi memorised to 100 digits. His big, beautiful, gifted brain was ravaged by something so cruel.”
Knowing he could still have a meaningful and productive life, Liz jumped into trying to aid his recovery through yoga and music therapy to help him through the many rounds of radiation and chemotherapy.
“It was just about accepting, this is what we’re dealing with and this may be it and if it is, that’s ok. We’re going to make the best of it,” she said matter-of-factly.
But when they were told the tumour was growing back and Connor was given a prognosis of just six short months, their focus shifted to cramming as much life as possible into the time left.
“When something acute happens, everything is stripped away. It’s just pure love and about as basic as basic can be. In that super intense time, we forgot about learning how to walk properly or how to read again. We just wanted him to feel loved. And he felt the same way,” Liz shared.
“He’d say ‘I love you’ a lot to my daughter, who was 13 at the time, and I. And Hannah said, ‘Connor keeps saying ‘I love you’ a lot’. And I said I think he’s giving us a lifetime of ‘I love you’s’. And 10 years later I feel like he’s done that.”
Despite everything the family were dealt, Liz is grateful for the way they were able to say goodbye to Connor.
I was just holding Connor and telling him ‘I will love you and will celebrate you every single day for the rest of my life’.
After things had started to become difficult, Connor told her he didn’t know how long he could ‘do this anymore’. For Liz, she felt he was trying to live for her. And although heartbreaking, it helped her to prepare for when the end came.
“The day he died, it sounds strange, but it was amazing. We knew the day was coming. In the last two weeks it had been getting worse. That day – April 20, 2013, he had seizures and the paramedics revived him, but said he probably only had hours left,” she said.
“I was just holding Connor and telling him ‘I will love you and will celebrate you every single day for the rest of my life’. And it’s been the easiest promise. We were all there, he had everyone he loved around him. A lot of people don’t get to hold the people they love as they pass.”
Wanting to do something to keep his spirit alive, Liz founded the Robert Connor Dawes Foundation (RCDF) just months later. While it’s been a way to create a legacy for Connor, it also raises money brain cancer research, supports families with rehabilitation therapies and home assistance and importantly, raises awareness about the disease.
One of their biggest fundraising events is Connor’s Run, an annual 19 or 10km run around Melbourne, which has grown to include virtual runs and events across the world.
This year the charity has raised over $2 million dollars. All up, they’ve raised more than $12 million to date, an incredible achievement that is not lost on Liz and one she knows Connor would be proud of.
“We want to change the odds for every kid going through this. I want to be there for other families also going through this, they need to feel support and hope,” Liz said.
“I’m glad he has inspired so much, because he was too young and he’s missed too much. This is a good plan B for Connor. If the nurse when Connor was born handed him to me and said ‘Before I hand him over, this is what’s in store for Connor, do you still want him?’ I’d say bring it on. He’s my son and I was meant to be his mum.”